Yard sales - a place to show off your junk covers.

Yard sales. A great place to find gems that have been hidden away under that box of yearbooks in someone’s attic. A great place to buy furniture, baby items, ugly Christmas sweaters, costume jewelry, figurines made out of seashells, and glow-in-the-dark felt pot leaf posters.

Yard sales. A place to find old 80’s workout tapes that have women with brightly colored high cut unitards on the covers. A place to find used winter coats and that nine iron that Jim used to chase off the neighbors dog who insisted on pissing on his begonias every afternoon. A place to find tools and old suitcases that smell like mothballs and plaid polyester. A place to find paintings so ugly, you have to buy them.

Yard sales. NOT a place to buy my intimate apparel.
No. No. No.

No.

I don’t want to buy underpants that YOU have declared are not good enough to keep. I don’t want the bras that you bought, wore, and decided didn’t give you enough “lift”, had uncomfortable under wires, or didn’t “breathe” well. I don’t care if they are a penny, or if you are giving them away for free (actually, that might be worse) … I don’t care HOW much they are. And don’t try and “pitch” the idea to me while I look at your other items. If I'm deeply considering purchasing your 1001 piece puzzle of rain on a window, I can PROMISE you I will not buy that OR your nasty junk covers when you are done with your little sales pitch about how much they cost at Belks when you bought them new.

Beside the fact that its just GROSS, I tend to wonder … why didn’t they make the cut? Are they too risqué? Do they ride up? Are they not “wedgie free”? Do they not match your skin tone? Do the straps dig into your shoulders?

WHAT???
WHAT IS IT?!

And its never hot intimate apparel. People are not selling thongs, or banana hammocks. Grandma Ruby is selling her Double H cone shaped bras and 3X full cover panties. I look at her and think … so does this mean she has moved into the edible underpants stage of her life? Is she suddenly into free ballin’? Is she reliving the "no bras" era of the 60s?

I’ll never know, and neither will you. Just don’t but the intimates Aunt Gertie is selling – the answers aren’t sewn in crotch of her unwanted briefs.

The truth is out there,
Mel