From elderly ear sore to prophet in 10 short minutes

Dudes.

I was not planning on posting a new blog today. In fact my brain is basically the consistency of tapioca pudding that has been left out in the sun for about 2 hours, and then your outdoor cat finds it and licks it for a while before coughing a hairball into it. This is due to a certain course called Global Perspectives in Biology and the term paper from hell that tries to eat your smarts.

Anyway - point is, this is not like my normal blogs, this is more of a "WTF is happening right now?" post, and I pre-apologize for whatever the hell is about to spill from my head bowl.

I'm currently sitting in a lovely establishment that feeds me carbs and caffine and gives me wireless without being a bitch about it. (Starbucks and I DO NOT see eye to eye on the "free" wireless they offer in Florence, SC. But, I digress.) Anywho - there is a table across from me with a little old lady who is sitting there nursing her coffee and YELLING at her family members about the "tree murdering" Power company who came to her house to cut a tree off a power line.

"BUT, JOHN, IT HAD SUCH PRETTY LEAVES! NOT THE KIND WITH BROWN LEAVES, THIS WAS A RED LEAVED TREE!!" she says.

"Yes, mom, but it was ripped from the ground and tossed into a power line, it had to go." says the son who is most likely texting his older brother with "you get mom when she can't live alone anymore."

Secondly, she is a loud talker, I hate loud talkers. And no, shes not hard of hearing, so don't give me that. I've seen her "whisper" twice while using inappropriate language like "damn".

Just when I'm about to pack my shit and move to a table in Lithuania where I won't hear her boisterous voice, she lets out the gem I've been waiting for. Old people always have a sliver of wisdom to share ... and today, I've learned this from the loud talking anti-tree murdering grandmother:

"Sandy, never wear nice slacks when you go out for coffee, unless of course you need to go somewhere afterward, or - you are meeting someone special." wink.

Annnnnnd .... that is awesome. Thank you anti-tree murdering and possibly slightly slutty grandmother, you just went from an annoying elderly ear sore to a prophet.

Congrats. Your prophet diploma will come in the mail shortly. And it will be made from your red leaved tree.

Sweet justice.

Bagels and cream cheese,

Mel