Eric math

So I promised that from time to to time to I would fill you in on all things Eric. Well today proved to provide some examples to help you understand, Eric math. Eric math is the combination of things that lead to an equation that equals Eric's mood. For instance, the following is always true:

Click on the photo to see it in all it's grandeur.

In English this means that Eric's 4WD trailblazer, plus tow straps, plus a stubborn evergreen bush will ALWAYS equal a happy, confident, over joyous, manly Eric.

That said, the following is ALSO always true:

Again, click that shit, you know you want to ...

Me, plus our outdoor gazebo, plus Eric ALWAYS equals Eric turning into a massive A-hole with over powering anger issues.

Without fail people, these two things you can count on. First of all, to equation #1, seriously, I've NEVER seen Eric unhappy when you combine his truck, and something that needs a good yankin'. Even when things get a little hairy and you think MAYBE just MAYBE he might get the truck stuck, or the stump might win this one, he's smiling all the while and saying things like "Boo yeah, baby!"

Now, when it comes to me, and the outdoor gazebo, that is another story. In equation #2, please note that I look radiant, down right happy, pleasant, some may say ... jubilant, even. There is not a hint of bitchy anywhere NEAR my face. Now, please also note that Eric, RIGHT from the get go, has decided to be a douche.

Here is the back story on the gazebo:

We purchased this thing for a great price a few years back, and we use it for parties, etc. a few times a year during the warmer months. This winter, we failed to take it down, and it got hit by an ice storm and needed some repairs. Also - it was smack in the middle of the side yard where we had had our last party the past Summer. So, it needed to be moved. ERIC HATES MOVING THIS THING. I have no idea why, since it comes apart lickity-split and is super light. You just take it apart, move it, put it back together. Granted it takes two people, but ummm hello? Do you see how jolly and friendly I look in this equation, why wouldn't you want to move a gazebo with me??

Ok - so maybe I am always a bit indecisive about where it should go, and maybe I am always unhappy with the angle at which the opening to the gazebo faces and it always needs a bit of tweaking, but really, the anger and bitchiness is not needed. It's not like he doesn't know its coming ....

Anyway - long story short, when I say to him "Sweety snookums pie lover, we need to move the gazebo." He looks at me like he would rather pull his eyelashes out one by one and pour rubbing alcohol in his eyes while giving himself eyeball paper cuts with a dirty 10 dollar bill. No matter WHAT Eric always ends up madder than a anorexic at an eating contest when it comes to this damn gazebo. Currently it is sorta where it needs to be ... which at the time, was just fine with me. It was better than watching him trying to fight the urge to eat my face. I mean when you are less than 37 seconds into the project and someone says to you, "listen, I'm telling you right now, I'm going to be annoyed with this." things can't get better from there. He does get a gold star for warning me straight up from the start that he planned on being a dick about it.

So anyway peeps, just a word to the wise. If you are ever hanging out with Eric and you have the choice to either A) help him yank shit out of the earth using his truck, or B) move my fucking devil bitch of a gazebo, chose A. Unless of course there is an option C) pulling your eyelashes out one by one and pouring rubbing alcohol in your eyes while giving yourself eyeball paper cuts with a dirty 10 dollar bill. I'm sure Eric would agree that C is still better than B.