Save the special verbiage you once loved. It has feelings too.

You know how fashion goes through phases? Remember how, in like, 1995 sunflowers on midriff shirts paired with brightly colored jean shorts and Birkenstocks was all the rage? Wait, no? Oh, shit. Well, whatever, I looked damn good hanging out at the stop sign on Alibi Terrace. Suck it.

Anyway – I digress. Words and phrases go through popularity changes too. Like I remember in high school, calling someone a “poser” was like spitting on their great grandmothers grave. And in college we were all saying “random” – as in “She is soooo random” or “How random was that?!”. Lately "Just sayin' " has been peoples jam.

Anyway – I feel like its time to bring back certain words and phrases. I mean, fashion wise, grunge is back (YES! YES YES YES!!! Finally! You will be respected Kurt Cobain.) so why can’t we do the same for some of our lesser used literary friends? So here is my proposal, complete with justifications for bringing back the following:

“hoochie”

“fugly”

AND

“your mama”

HOOCHIE: One of Urban Dictionary’s definitions for hoochie is: “a female who appears to match a set of characteristics including: trashy, often in inappropriate tight dress (with or without pudge overflowing waistband); eyebrows shaved and penciled back on in a dramatic fashion; heavy, mostly monotonic makeup with dark lipstick; large, gaudy, costume-grade jewelry. Frequently accompanied by multiple children from different fathers (see baby-daddy).”

Obviously this is more than enough of a reason to bring this shit back hard core. However, I think that its also helpful when a celebrity can endorse the cause. For hoochie, who better to endorse this come back than Alan Jackson? I mean he basically owes a great deal to the word hoochie, AND coochie for that matter (which personally I think work amazingly well as a pair). Confused? What the hell? Are you not well schooled on the country phenomenon that is Chattahoochee in which he says “It gets hotter than a hoochie coochie”?!? Well catch up people, that shit is important and will change your life.

FUGLY: Again, we turn to the scholarly resource that is Urban Dictionary, who defines fugly as “Describing someone who is so far beyond ugly, they are fuckin' ugly and therefore fugly.” Now, let me be clear, I’m not someone who thinks we should make others feel badly about themselves. That said, lets be real. You know for a FACT that you talk shit about people. You know you do. It might not be as extreme as “Dat bitch is straight fugly” but you know you do it to some extent so don’t fucking judge me here. As far as an A list celebrity to endorse fugly … this is no-brainer. Sam, the World’s Ugliest Dog is perfect for this. Not because he is fugly, geez. What the hell is wrong with you? I mean look into his eyes, its not what is on the outside that matters anyway. However, he will only be on print ADs because sadly he died, probably from being so fuckin' ugly.

YOUR MAMA (AKA: Yo Mama): Remember this one? Remember how it started out with “Your Mama” jokes? Like “Yo mama so fat when she went to the movie theater she sat next to everybody.” Or “Yo mama so stupid she thinks taco bell is a mexican phone company”. Then, it turned into just saying “Yo mama” as the answer to someone’s question. Kind of like the “That’s what she said” of the early 90's. Celebrity spokes person? Darth Vader. No explanation needed.

So, right now, you are wondering “How can I help? What can I do to support this great cause to bring back some semi vintage slang?” Well, you could just start plugging them into your everyday verbiage. Or, we can organize a fun run to bring awareness. We could wear simple shirts with “hoochie”, “fugly” and “your mama” on them. I’ll order fewer “fugly” shirts, cause let's be honest here... we all know that shit will be the least popular choice.

Anyway – keep at it friends… we are not going to beat this lack of colorful slang words without dedicated supporters like you, big time flashy celebrities and a telethon.

Your mama is a fugly hoochie,

Mel